ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES: the original multiverse advice column, proudly offering advice since November 7th, 2004.
Welcome to Sages of Chaos, where our sagacious advice columnists (Altruistic Advisors™) from almost every fandom imaginable dedicate themselves to aiding, assisting and advising you in every possible area of your life. No question is too small or insignificant. We'll help you grapple with everything from the vast and cosmic to the daily minutiae of existence. All questions are welcome, whether from real people or characters that you role play online. Note: actual real serious advice may be dispensed here. We really DO care. ANYONE can join this community, and anyone can participate in any thread at any time. Newcomers are welcome at any time to pitch in with advice and comments. Want to join the fun? Simply join the community, wade in, and start commenting!
1. Obey LiveJournal's TOS, first and foremost. Anyone posting to this community must be above thirteen years of age.
2. Absolutely no flaming or insulting allowed out of character here. Doing so will get you banned. Example: criticizing in a thread or post while OOC someone's style of role playing, their character, or anything that they have done. In character dialogue that is snarky is, of course, allowed. Comments to a post that violates community rules are allowed, as long as they are kept polite.
3. Photos depicting disturbing subject matter such as human remains or dead animals are not to be posted here. No images of graphic pornography. Images that are rated "R" (i.e., full front nudity) are allowed, but should be placed under a LJ cut, appropriately labeled with a warning as not suitable for minors. This is an all ages community.
4. No questions positing rape, bestiality, incest, molestation, animal abuse, animal murder for enjoyment or trivial reasons, child abuse, and child murder as a desireable or proposed outcome of a given situation.
5. Swearing is to be kept to a reasonable level. Yes, sometimes "reasonable" will be a subjective judgement by a moderator. If your character is canonically foulmouthed, we're likely to be more lenient.
6. Anyone may join this community, and anyone may post questions or comments at any time. We encourage you to jump in!
7. The e-mail address that should be always used to contact the moderators is Sages underscore Moderators at Yahoo dot com.
8. The Moderators reserve the right to delete any comments, threads, or posts that in their judgement are deemed to be fostering out of charater conflict, violate community rules, or violate LiveJournal's TOS.
9. The Moderators may, at their discretion, warn, suspend or ban players that in their judgement foster out of character conflict, feuding, or who are rude to other players on the community while posting or commenting OOC. We make every effort to have any player disputes resolved amicably and to hear all sides of any conflict that occurs before any action is taken.
10. You may not play a real person, unless that person has been dead for over a hundred years from today's date. Playing yourself is, of course, completely ok. Examples: no to playing Chris O'Donnell, yes to playing Nietzsche. ADDENDUM: However, if the character is clearly parody, and contains a disclaimer in its userinfo, it will be allowed.
11. Occasionally links to explicitly sexual material may be posted here. Persons posting such are required to clearly label any links to material that is NC-17 rated, such as porn, or other material inappropriate for certain age groups, as being NC-17 and inappropriate for viewing by minors. This is an all-ages group, and we wish to leave it as such. Underage members should not peruse links labeled with a "NC-17" note; by viewing the user info of this community and/or posting to this community in any capacity, you agree to abide by the above rule. Any post or comment that violates this rule may be immediately deleted by a moderator.
12. Thanks to Russian spammers, Sages now has an explicit rule prohibiting posting any advertisements for commercial or private services in any form. That means no ads or spam should be posted to the comm. Doing so will get you immediately banned and reported to LiveJournal's Abuse team.
Some basic info - Altruistic Advisor bios and pictures are below:
1) Our current line up of Altruistic Advisors is as follows, in no particular order:
- Orophin of Lórien (Fandom: JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings) - Frank Castle (Fandom: Marvel Universe, The Punisher; occasional crossovers into the DC Universe) - Gimli, son of Gloin (Fandom: JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings) - Prince Legolas of Mirkwood (Fandom: JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings) - Jago (Fandom: CJ Cherryh's Foreigner series of novels) - Oliver Queen, aka Green Arrow (Fandom: DC Comics Green Arrow) - Hal Jordan, aka Green Lantern (Fandom: DC Comics Green Lantern) - Dana Scully (Fandom: The X-files) - Dr. Victor Von Doom (Fandom: Marvel Universe, Fantastic Four)
And now, on to a bit more about our eclectic columnists, who want nothing more than to better your quality of life:
Gimli, Son of Gloín, considers himself an expert in all categories, but he specifically seeks to help those needing advice on axe-fighting, interracial relations, choosing the right beer to go with red meat off the bone, beard grooming, fashion for the vertically challenged, and how to transform an elf from a poncy git into a nearly tolerable companion. This single Dwarf enjoys torchlit strolls through the mines, fancy jewelry, and seventeen course meals. Gimli pirates the Prince's LJ shares an LJ with Legolas at prince_laurelin.
Legolas Greenleaf Thranduillion, Prince of Mirkwood, Eryn Lasgalen, and Greenwood the Great deems his participation necessary in order to prevent his Dwarf from dispensing ill advice. He is happy to share his knowledge on the subjects such as archery, fashion, bath products, swordplay, wine, how to turn a cave into a proper home, hair braiding, keeping dirt about you and your romp through the woods with eight sexy companions out of the papers, avoiding advances from fangirls, and writing speeches for festivals celebrating the beauty of your arse. When not saving the world and fending off Mary Sues, Legolas is bi-forestal, residing in both Mirkwood and Lothlórien. The Prince macks it up at prince_laurelin.
The charming and multi-talented Frank Castle (sometimes known as The Punisher) will be happy to answer questions regarding moral relativism, theology, philosophy, the concept of Natural Justice, child raising, dating, failings of the justice system, hand-to-hand combat, grief counseling, automatic weaponry, animal rights, asceticism, interior decor, diplomacy and etiquette. Currently residing in New York City, this handsome (albeit rather intense) widower (and bachelor), when not tirelessly and altruistically fighting to protect society from harm, enjoys working on his Harley Davidson, practicing feng shui, t-shirt graphic design, collecting Brownings, foreign travel *cough*, and has a marked weakness for My Little Ponies. He is, we will note, an agnostic when it comes to G3 Pony poses. Frank's musings and vegan lemon cake recipes are at subtle_guns.
John Constantine, absolute bastard, scheming magician, con artist, braggart, womanizer, periodic saviour of the world, and occasional really nice guy, is doing this as community service, although he refuses to say what he did to merit the sentence or what authority handed it down. He knows magic, alcohol, old books and antiques (preferably of the creepy variety), the finer points of all your major smokable plants, theology, and how to get very nearly every fluid known to mortal man out of most clothing without leaving a mark. He smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish, and has a mouth like a sewer. However, if he counts you as a friend, anyone who does you wrong is going to find themselves in the last fifty pages of a Stephen King novel very, very soon. John's ill-tempered rants can be found at bastard_john.
The beautiful, gifted and mathematically inclined Jago, from the atevi homeworld, is our tallest Altruistic Advisor, coming in at just under eight and a half feet, and an extraterrestrial. Jago is competent in the areas of assassination protocol, all numbers-based knowledge systems, foreign relations, interspecies relations, interspecies etiquette, tea, fruit, high caliber weaponry, space travel, politics, astronomy, calculus, Determinism, games of chance (she's particularly adept at dice), and the physical care and feeding of humans. Jago currently works as an assassin in the atevi Assassin's Guild (which is functionally very similar to being the hostess of a large ornate dinner party, but armed), ensuring ongong harmony in atevi society. She lives in the city of Shejidan, on assignment protecting the very lucky human Bren Cameron. Jago's life story, recommendations for protocol, and ongoing travelogue can be found at jago_ateva.
Orophin, Sindarin Elf at large, is currently employed in law enforcement as a Marchwarden of Lórien, protecting Galadriel, the Lady of the Golden Wood. He's well versed in the areas of beauty, personal grooming, archery, cooking, baking, orc-slaying, developing witty repartee, carpentry, accessory selection, shopping, nobility, treating PTSD, steadfastness, romance, and delivering ass kickings of all kinds. When not carefully and compassionately crafting missives of advice for our readers, he enjoys patrolling the western borders of Lórien, lording it over his two brothers, and writing his monthly beauty column for Allure magazine. We note that he has slight tendencies towards hypervigilance. Orophin's designs for perfect living can be found at orogloss.
Oliver Queen (aka Green Arrow) and Hal Jordan (aka Green Lantern), Columnists #9 and #10
The Green Arrow, Oliver Queen, has been righting wrongs and fighting injustice since... well, a long while (comics timelines being somewhat strange, particularly in DC). His somewhat less handsome (but no less useful) best friend, Hal Jordan (the Green Lantern), has been doing much the same, but across the cosmos. Hal is somewhat behind the times... he's spent a longer period being dead, after all... but his stick-in-the-mud attitude serves to better color the wonderful advice that Ollie will shower on you. And in case you wonder, the color in question is green. Green Arrow and Green Lantern live in the same universe as John Constantine, and they both agree he's kinda spooky... and this is coming from two men who have been dead. Ollie and Hal offer up hunkitude, hotness and heroism at askollieandhal.
Writing in the third person is easy for Victor Von Doom, as you can see. So you would deign to know the secrets of Doom? Very well, it is good that you would read of the majesty and power of Doom; the rabble must always glean knowledge from their betters. Take care that you dare not to use the knowledge enclosed in these entries against our person. To do so would invoke the wrath of Doom, and such a thing should not be invited lightly. Learn well of Doom and his lands, for the world will soon fall before them. Doom's skin care product reviews and commercial endorsements can be found at doomworld.